Are you aware I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), then make use of the flash films/games as the icing on the teenage-annoyance cake. So when the editor pushed #1 Diep.io – #1 Play Diep.io Game Online to me, I was suspicious.
In the beginning, I assumed to ask: “How do you realize I utilized to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not merely, generally if i was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to monitor down younger me but, should i was right, he would know I used to be into the bastard. Then this editor would foil my life plans by occasionally whispering during my ear: “hey, keep this in mind gem of any Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little self-esteem I have got left.
Like most narratives, I found myself asked who’s tale it was actually. So, one splash of water around the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but instead just asking me my name. Although, noticing this is a web-based multiplayer title, I figured I’d hide how I’d be examining this video game using a critical eye included in my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.
Naturally, like most free-to-play PvP titles, Diep.io begins with a whisper. You happen to be runt, the foot of a pile, in the bad world attempting to shoot you at the back of the head. Or possibly a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes and also other tanks. Thus I did the most obvious thing: I blew from the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging every one of the circle with names to them. Yes, the aesthetic may be recreated with MS Paint and the sole thing that may be missing is Comic Sans.
Each level offered me the option of upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. A thing that became immediately obvious was when I planned to live beyond a child within a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, then I would need to pick regen at some point. Without them, I might be worn over time like said child from before.
Eventually, I leveled beyond the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked should i wanted a unit-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or so as to shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly like a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the type of simpleton to try out as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, from concern with confusion otherwise, I went with all the assault rifle option on my tank.
Ultimately, like the majority of things, my time with Diep.io came to a conclusion as i began picking fights with some other players. In spite of the greatest damage output I really could muster, probably the most speed, a sizable regen pool, and more health than I knew how to deal with, other players were quickly able to put me within my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside with an almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.